FAQ in dawah: Marriage of A'ishah

Age of A'ishah and marriage to Muhammad

• A'ishah, also spelt A'isha and Ayesha (radiAllahu anha, may Allah be pleased with her), was born around 614 CE in Makkah. Her father is Abu Bakr, Prophet Muhammad's closest companion and later the first caliph of Islam
• A'ishah reported her own age in authentic hadith as being 6 years old when her marriage contract happened and 9 years old when her marriage was consummated (i.e. first sexual intercourse after marriage) (Sahih al-Bukhari 5134, Sunan an-Nasa'i 3379)
• Muhammad (pbuh) was around 53 years old
• Married in Makkah but it was consummated in Madinah, after Prophet migrated around 622/623 CE
• Remained married for 9 years until Muhammad's death
• A'ishah was the third and youngest of Muhammad's wives
• Before her betrothel (engagement) to Muhammad, A'ishah was engaged to Mut'im ibn 'Adi's son Jubayr ibn Mut'im, following the custom of early marriage in 7th century Arabia. But her family broke (annulled) that engagement
• Khadija bint Khuwaylid (RAH), Muhammad's first wife, is generally described as Muhammad's most beloved and favoured wife. A'ishah was second
• Muhammad died in A'ishah's apartment. He took his last breath as he lay in her arms
• A'ishah lived around 50 years after Muhammad died. She never married anyone else

Age of consent in Islam

• Traditionally, there's no specific age for consent in Islam
• Signs of puberty - menstruation for a woman and pubic hair for a man - was the indicator for adulthood in Islam and other cultures around the world
• Islam gives a criteria for marriage: not to harm anyone. You cannot marry someone you'll harm - physical, psychological, or otherwise. So even an old woman may not be marriage material
• The 3 criteria for men to consider a female for potential marriage:
  1. Is it socially acceptable (i.e. permitted by the law of the land)?
  2. Has she gone through puberty?
  3. Are they mentally and emotionally capable of raising a family?
• In Western society, 'age of consent' concept is relatively new historically. Began late 19th century, around 200 years ago
• Most Muslim countries now have age of consent from 16 to 18 years old

Concept of marriage in ancient Arabia

• Reasons for marriage include: strengthening tribal ties and political alliances, a mean of survival in harsh desert environment, men were providers as women didn't work
• Common for families to have 'marriage contract' when children were born. The boy and girl were promised to each other in marriage after they reached adulthood (or puberty). Particularly common if the union was of direct political significance to the families concerned (as cited by Professor Colin Turner of University of Durham, England, an expert in Islam in the Middle East Studies Department, in his book 'Islam the Basics', p34-35)
• Either of the youngsters contracted for marriage can choose to annul the marriage, before consummating it if they're not happy to go ahead with it
• Marriage between an older man and younger woman was also normal customary practice amongst the bedouins
• Socially accepted during that era
• Marriage in Islam is not only about sex. The Qur'an openly states marriage is a spiritual agreement based on love and mercy (Ar-Rum 30:21)

Age of marriage in other cultures throughout history

• There's no age of marriage in the Bible
• In the Protoevangelium of James, also known as the Infancy Gospel of James, a non-canonical but nevertheless a holy text used by Christians, a 90 year old Joseph married a 12 year old Virgin Mary. According to Catholic encyclopaedia in New Advent website, Mary was between 12 to 14 years old
• In Hebrew Bible, when 40 year old Isaac married Rebekah, one tradition gives her age as 14 years old and another tradition as 3 years and 3 days only
• In medieval European nobility, in the last two centuries of the Middle Ages (i.e. 14th and 15th century), boys and girls were married as early as puberty
• According to Sir William Blackstone, a jurist whose work is studied in Oxford and Cambridge university, in his book 'Commentaries on the Laws of England (1765-1769)' (p. 110), in 18th century England woman 'may be betrothed or given in marriage' age of 7 and entitled to dowry at 9. This was a state law, not a personal opinion
• In 1880s, less than 200 years ago, in 37 states of America, the age of consent was either 10 or 12 years old. In Delaware, it was 7 years old
• Agnes of France (born 1172), a Byzantine Empress and daughter of King Louis VII, married aged 8, while Princess Margaret-Maria of Hungary (born 1175), daughter of King Béla III, married aged 9
• In Jewish Bar Mitzvah (Bat Mitzvah for girls), 12 year old boys and 13 year old girls are considered adults and need to follow all the commandments of the Torah

Allegations of paedophilia against Muhammad (pbuh)

• Modern day atheists and critics of Islam accuse Muhammad of paedophilia as he was 'an old man' (53 year old) who 'preyed on a child' (aged 9)
• They accuse Muslims of "playing mental gymnastics" and following "a lustful prophet" who "got divine revelation just in time to justify his actions and desires"
• Criticism only began in last 200 years in Western society after laws were changed and age of consent was introduced - 1,200 years after Muhammad and A'ishah got married
• Question: Why didn't anybody, either in Arabia or around the world, raise the issue - especially when it's a grave sin - for over 1,000 years? Because Muhammad never violated the law and social custom of that period around the whole globe
• If the allegation was true, Muhammad would've been stoned to death. Nobody would've accepted him or his message, especially when he had so many enemies including Jews, Christians, pagans, hypocritical Muslims and even people within his own tribe and family
• His enemies called him many slandering names - but nobody ever called him a paedophile
• Back then, life expectancy was in their 30s and early 40s. Unlike today, when life expectancy is around 70s and 80s, three times ancient Arabia. A 9 year old back then is the equivalent to a 25 or 30 year old now. Also, if people in 7th century married around age 20, they are likely to die before their children became 10 years old, leaving behind many young orphans. How can a society operate like that?
• A'ishah's father is Abu Bakr (RA), Prophet Muhammad's closest companion. A best friend knows more things about his friend than even his family sometime. So would Abu Bakr give his daughter to marriage to his best friend if he suspected any foul play?
• In general, nobody cares more about their children than a parent. And they won't give their child in marriage unless they're ready and and they see you're fit to marry their child
• Muhammad married multiple women. A'ishah was the only virgin he married. The rest were widows and divorcees. His first two wives were older than him. If a person has paedophilic tendency, they wouldn't marry people their age but instead look to marry much younger people, especially when their society allows them to do so. But Muhammad didn't do that at all
• A'ishah never spoke ill about Muhammad either during marriage or after. Nor after his death. She had plenty of time and opportunity to do this if she had experienced any abuse, physical or emotional
• Western society allows earlier consent to intercourse but not marriage. It's also okay for a female to have multiple sex partners throughout her life as long as it's consensual. Abortion is normal. Many single mothers have been abandoned by 'partners'
• Look at the morals of your own country and people before criticising others

Islam's stance on child grooming

"Can you marry a 9-year-old now?"